Monthly Archives: August 2014

Hello, this is awkward. Thanks! Bye! Uh you too! Yeah. Bye! Oh, ok, bye.

The last time I enjoyed talking on the phone all the time I was in middle school. I’m pretty sure that the ONLY reason I enjoyed it so much was because I wasn’t supposed to and had a daily time-limit of 15 minutes for phone. It was the forbidden fruit!
With texting I have begun to dread talking on the phone even more. When my phone rings and I look at the number or name of who is calling it’s so rare that the thought of “YAY! I get to talk on the phone!!” happens. It’s always, ‘uggggggghhhhhhh I have to take this’ because it’s child related or something important.
I’ve started noticing that it’s not just me that finds ending the phone call insanely awkward. Can someone please tell me how to end a conversation?! How did I forget this piece of knowledge? It’s always obvious that we are all done talking but we are both trying to be polite and end up dragging the conversation on for far longer than necessary and suddenly I’m in a nursing home still having this crazy awkward conversation.
Can everyone just text now? It’s way nicer and easier to end or even pause the conversation and more often than not, with text I can actually understand what you’re saying. With small children they’re either yelling and screaming, throwing throat punches and pulling hair trying to get to the phone while I(!!!!) am talking, or it’s the coveted nap time when peace and quiet SHOULD be reigning. Seriously. You mess with this and I will cut you. I’m talking to YOU UPS MAN!!!!!!!!!! Your knock is FAR louder than necessary. They can hear you in china for crying out loud!!!!!!!!
Anyways! Phone calls. Awkward right?


Saving Grace

1 a : unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification b : a virtue coming from God c : a state of sanctification — the state of growing in divine grace as a result of Christian commitment after baptism or conversion. Sanctify- 1 : to set apart to a sacred purpose or to religious use : consecrate 2 : to free from sin : purify 3 a : to impart or impute sacredness, inviolability, or respect to b : to give moral or social sanction to 4 : to make productive of holiness or piety ) enjoyed through divine grace 2 a : approval, favor b archaic : mercy, pardon c : a special favor : privilege
disposition to or an act or instance of kindness, courtesy, or clemency e : a temporary exemption.- Miriam-Webster definition.

Thinking about grace today and what it means exactly. Reading the definition was a bit confusing to me especially when they used the word in the definition of the word. That’s just mean! Lol!
The part that stood out to me was when the definition stuck the word “sanctification” in it. It got me thinking how Christians have been set apart for a sacred purpose and that purpose is for giving and showing grace to others.
So, we’ve been given this job here on earth. It’s a job we accepted and wanted but yet it sometimes seems impossible to actually do.
The other part that stood out was “…disposition to or an act or instance of kindness, courtesy, or clemency e : a temporary exemption.” To me that says that we should have the character trait if acting in kindness and sharing our temporary exemption with the world. We will have to answer for the sins we’ve committed but we’ve all been given temporary exemptions because of Christ dying for us.
*What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? Certainly not! (‭Romans‬ ‭6‬:‭15‬ NKJV)
We live under grace. We have been save by grace.
*For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast. (‭Ephesians‬ ‭2‬:‭8‬-9 NKJV)
I don’t know why it seems so many Christians feel they have the right to strip grace away (myself included sometimes) from anyone. We judge harshly (as if we don’t know the love and beauty of grace ourselves) and cut people down because we see their sin and they might not be saved from sin. So because we see that they might not know the Savior who died for their sins and are sinning we decide that we are the judge and get to strip them of grace because they don’t know about it.
Ugh. We see that they don’t know grace and don’t show it to them. Right?! How ridiculous is that?! I often don’t even realize I’m being an @$$ and not showing what God so lovingly gave me and therefore end up turning someone who I could have introduced to the One who saved us by His grace away from it and possibly never wanting to know it from my awful example of Christ. I know that no one wants that if they’re a Christian. We are so thankful for the love, forgiveness, and grace that we’ve been so freely given and want others to know it too. It’s never our intention to smack people around with it or hide it away from anyone with ugliness.
I hope I remember these ponderings (my phone is telling me that “ponderings” is not a word, so looks like I’m going rogue here with vocabulary) of mine on a regular basis, as in every minute. I want to give grace to everyone I come in contact with. Even if I’m DRIVING!!!
Ay. Driving. I have terrible road rage. I just want to be alone on the road because NO ONE but ME knows how to drive. HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Anyone going faster than me is stupid and crazy! Anyone going slower than me is a complete moron that got their driver’s license at the K-Mart Blue Light Special sale! Whyyyyyyy?!?!?! I have no clue. I love driving. I LOVE going fast! I love feeling the power of a nicely powered engine as I step on the gas and my body gets pushed into the seat. It’s exhilarating! Throw in a turbo with many many horses and great handling (modded out Subaru WRX STI please :-D) and I am in sheer bliss! Thrilling doesn’t cover it! Ok, back on track now. Sorry, love cars so I’m easily distracted. ANYWAYS! Put me behind the wheel in traffic and you’ll see no sign of grace for anyone else on the road (unless they’re driving a sweet car). My hands and arms will be flapping wildly and so will my jaw as I tell everyone how they SHOULD be driving. Utterly ridiculous.
I don’t know why this is. Maybe I need professional help. But when I am behind the wheel is my worst time for showing grace. If ya’ll feel called, say many prayers for me cause I want to constantly share the grace that I am CONSTANTLY given.
Hope your day is perfectly lovely (even though it’s a Monday where I am).
May you all know the grace that has been given through love that none of us will ever fully comprehend.

The parent trap.

I am a mom of 3. We have two boys (5 and 2 years old) and a girl (11 months). Combined my husband and I have: 6 sisters, 3 brothers, 2 brother in-laws, 1 sister in-law, 2 “step”moms (one is more like a real mom, 1 birth mom, 2 dads, 1 grandma, 1 grandpa.
Since having children (grand total of 5 years) we have had ~2-3 weekends without children. By weekends I mean we were child-free for one night and about 2-3: 24 hour periods. The last time was ~3 years ago. We have paid for sitters for any time we go out (last time was about 4 months ago) except for a handful of times and the longest we’ve ever left our kids with a sitter was 3 hours. We are woken/get up during the night anywhere between 2-20 times during the night, every night, for the past 5 years.
My husband and I have just made a pact to take our grandkids for weekends every so often so that our kids will get breaks when they become parents and will get to date their spouse and have nights of solid sleep.
We have yet to meet anyone else who has the parenting life quite like ours. Parents who have parents who are either unable or unwilling/don’t have the desire to spend time with their grandkids and family who also are either unable or unwilling/don’t have the desire to spend time with their nieces and nephews. Everyone we know has a parent that is ecstatic about being a grandparent and they want to spend as much time with the kids as they possibly can.
We’ve discovered through early development intervention that having those relationships is very important to developments. Both our boys are slow to speak and we’ve been told it would be beneficial for them to spend time with people who are not us, their parents. Problem is: we can’t afford it. Sitters charge 10-20/hour and daycare, well I’d have to get 2 full time jobs to cover daycare for just two of our kids.
Parenting is hard. Parenting without help is even harder. Sharing battles with so many close friends I discovered that there is nothing in this earth that we could or are battling that we are the only ones who are doing that exact battle. So, if you are out there and somehow come across this and are the only adult in your child’s life and are there 24/7 and are exhausted and worn down, you’re not alone.
If your child isn’t talking because they’re always around you and you instinctively know what they want/need, there are resources that can help. Push for them because sometimes you have to. If you’re in the Salt Lake City area and want to trade off watching each other’s kids so you can have a moment to pee without little fingers under the door and a minute to breath and talk with your significant other (you know, in a place where you can actually have entire sentences that aren’t made by a Tourette like person), leave me a comment.
You’re not alone. And off I go to respond to my 5 year old’s whispers while his brother and sister “nap”.

Finding Dr. Right

Since moving we are having to start all over with finding doctors/pediatricians/medical professionals. This is proving to be more daunting than I ever thought possible. We totally hit the jackpot with our pediatrician and he is AWESOME! An adult person’s doctor however… well…
I prefer a medical professional that looks at all angles of medicine. Natural and modern. I believe strongly that what we eat and drink can make a massive difference in the way our body works. That just makes sense to me. So I want a doctor/medical pro who looks at the food and vitamin and natural ways.
A few weeks ago my tonsils showed outward signs of strep throat (those disgusting little white spots) but my throat didn’t hurt. I’d been having (AM having) problems with exhaustion, migraines, and random bouts of nausea so I decided that I should start looking officially. I found a proclaimed naturopath who also worked in modern medicine (oddly hard to find, cause modern medicine hasn’t helped natural medicine ever 😐 HAHAHA!!!) and set up an appointment. When I went in the nurse did the throat culture that makes you want to bite and vomit on them (poor nurses!!!) and checked my temp and all that. When I went in and talked with the LNP she discussed how my thyroid was probably causing problems and that I would probably need to be on meds for it. Uhhh, ok, so does that cause migraines? No. Would that cause my throat stuff? No. But it can cause exhaustion. Does that cause nausea? No. Oh well then my thyroid must be the problem! So upon my request of asking about other various things (iron levels, and vitamin levels) she sent me off to have all the blood drained from my body (lost count of the vials) to test for my requests and her thyroid decision.
Today I went back and she solved all of the problems that I went to see her with (read NONE). She gave me a prescription for thyroid meds even after telling me that by every other medical professional standard my thyroid levels are normal. And recommended I start taking iron supplements, vitamin D and vitamin B, as they were all very low. So, I was right about my suggestions and she was… uhhhh right about hers :-/ yeah. Also, I was right and I don’t have strep. She didn’t bother to look into that any further even though I told her that it is still bothering me with irritation but no spots. She’s full coverage here people!
So basically I went in to a salon to be seen about my hair color, a hair cut, and some lashes done and came out with my toenails clipped because by her standards my toenails are too long.
Ugh. I paid for that. Why is it so hard to find a dr that will listen and actually do the work. Really missing the amazing Dr. Stringer!!! That woman is more precious and rare than anything on this earth!

Hi, I’m new here.

I have moved, approximately, close to 30 times in my whole life. The majority was before 7th grade. I was at a new school every year until 7th grade (and then I spent two years at the same school and then moved to a different state).
Starting at a new school is the absolute best when you don’t start at the beginning of the year, IF you’re not a shy person. Me, I’m about as shy as a puppy in a room made of tennis balls. Everyone is curious about who you are and so they come to you. Easy peasy friendships!
When you start a new school at the beginning of the school year it’s completely different. No one cares who you are, they don’t realize that you’re new, and they stick with who and what they know. Why? Because the majority is new and how nice is the comfortable and everyday when you’re thrown into the strange new ways. This type of move is lonely, if you’re me- the puppy, lol.
We recently moved to Utah. You know, the plural marriage, everybody is Mormon, blah blah blah, state. We moved from a place that has a very high number of introverts that are spooked like deer in headlights if you say “Hi” or smile. Seriously, I had people almost make a run for it because I smiled and said “Hello”.
Moving here has been quite the experience. I am a Christian and have many of the same beliefs and morals as someone of the LDS faith so I never imagined it would be too big of a deal.
When we got here, I wasn’t able to get out much cause I was 28 weeks/7 months pregnant and had a 1 year old and a 4 year old, all I saw -any time we’d drive around or I’d be looking out our windows- were blondes. BLONDES EVERYWHERE. In our neighborhood (not counting the ones who had turned gray/white) there was one other with BROWN hair. Not light brown, not dirty blonde, not dark blonde, but brown- actual brown hair. I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb.
Then, we started getting visitors and the very first thing our very first visitor asked was: “Are you LDS?” BadumTSSS! That’s right! Utah began to live up to it’s very special stereotype. I had never been asked that question in my life. 4 states, 30 moves, countless new faces, never once had I been asked what religion/denomination I was.
Why is this a thing Utah? This should not be a thing. Love on people no matter what. Who cares if you talk weird or people give you funny looks when you talk specifics into your religion. Give this denomination/religion thing up.
The thing that has got me the most though is this: Utah seriously ROCKS for families. This place is complete perfection if you have kids. Schools, playgrounds, parks, museums, aquariums, zoo, hiking, biking, you name it! Everything is family oriented. You go somewhere and your kid starts throwing a fit, 1 out of 10,000 will give you a dirty look. The other 9,999 will want to help you or just give you a sympathetic smile, depending on how big the fit is. It’s NBD (no big deal 😋). Kids can be kids. Sure it’s loud everywhere you go but you don’t feel like an outcast for having children. There’s no pressure to keep your kids at home because Heaven forbid they might disturb the peace of the public.
This move however, has been the loneliest moves of them all. It’s hard to make friends with people who aren’t completely sincere with their friendship. Many of them want you as their sweet shiny button at their ward. I can’t and won’t be that shiny new button. There are things about the LDS faith that just don’t sit right with me (don’t bother debating it out or trying to convince me because ya’ll have too many different directions of thinking for some stuff and I need more stability, consistency, and one book to live my life by that is unchanging.) so I will not be joining the church. This does not mean that I am against the church. This doesn’t mean I am a horrible person who is going to thrash everything around me and get pass-out drunk and do drugs and terrorize the earth. (Yes, there’s a backstory to that hahaha!!!)
This does mean: I am a Christian. I believe that Jesus died on the cross so that I can have a relationship with my Creator and so that I can someday spend eternity in Heaven. I will make mistakes (just like you, and you, and you. I may have over-numbered this blog’s readers but… here’s hoping I reach 3 people). I want to be the best person I can be and shine the light of God’s love into a dark world around me. I won’t always succeed at that. I want to raise my children to also shine that light and love. I don’t want to condemn or judge people, that’s seriously not my job cause there’s not a true way for me to know anyone’s heart of their actions or words. I won’t always succeed at that either, come on though, if you’re going to have a mullet you have to be expected to be judged by anyone with the sense of sight. Seriously cut the mullet out. I am a sinful person who struggles with everyday temptations and some of my struggles are different than yours but thankfully (specifically, thank God!!) I am blessed by grace and mercy and He is not finished with me yet. When He is finished with me I hope to have left His imprint on the world and beyond maybe 😄
That is who I am. No, I’m not LDS. Yes, I am a good (sometimes) person.
We have seen the best of the best (though I still question their motives since I haven’t heard much from them since we moved from our first neighborhood) and some pretty sad examples of the LDS church.
The night before I went in for my c-section, the neighbor ladies (about 99% LDS) threw me a baby shower and the place was PACKED! The blessed me with sweet words of encouragement and advice and friendship, even if for some it was only that night.
But then when we went to find a smaller place to live (seriously HUGE houses here. HUUUUUUUGE!!!! Small is typically around 2,500-3,000 square feet.) we are wanting to rent because we still are unsure of our future here and we looked at, I don’t know how many, places ranging from; basement apartments to houses to townhomes to actual apartments. The reason we looked at actual apartments? Because we were at our wits end. We had been asked every time (in the end it was every time but twice) if we were LDS. One lady took a look at the tattoo on my foot (it’s of a turtle with a plumeria on it’s back) and quit talking to me unless I specifically asked her a question. We were repeatedly turned down after being DISCOVERED! Our shame! The HORROR!! We were terrorists that would BURN THIS PLACE TO THE GROUND with our unholiness!!!!!!!!! We ended up turning in a couple of them to HUD but nothing became of it because that’s something that is quite difficult to prove. We talked about doing some undercover work and recording the entire process of “trying to rent a place” and turning people in that way but we just don’t have the time. It was all pretty unbelievable.
We now live in a nice neighborhood where it’s a mix of LDS and non-LDS. I’m beginning to see how the LDS can get the view of- if you’re not LDS then you are seriously off and we need to stay far away- though. There are quite the extremes when it comes to LDS and non-LDS people here. Unfortunately that still doesn’t make what happened with the rental situation ok. Don’t go judging a book by it’s denomination. Unless it’s a book about a denomination. I mean, the satanic bible is pretty straight forward with the whole- it’s a satanic bible thing. I belong more in the NKJV (New King James Version- cause theethouthy is just too lispy for me) section of books.
All I’m sayin is, give people a chance. Just like anyone, LDS/non-lds, people can suck or they can be AWESOME!!!! So make the choice to be awesome. Please.
A huge thanks to the many who work very hard at being awesome and a BIG “How do you do it?!” to those who achieve awesome without even knowing. You know who you are you king/queen of awesome you!
*side note*
Pretty sure our current landlords are LDS. I don’t know. I haven’t asked. But they’re pretty cool whether they are or aren’t.

Looking up.

Today I am doing my best to live more like my 2 year old. He smiles at every stranger within his eyesight. They may be two miles away but he starts waving and smiling and saying “Hiya!” the second he sees them.
How many people need smiles and a friendly “hiya”? Living in “Happy Valley” where there are many people on happy meds tells me that there are so many surrounding me that need a smile. So here I go. If you see a goofy woman grinning like a crazy person and saying “Hi!” well that’s me. I’m not crazy, completely, I promise.
May your day be filled with quiet joys that you notice under every rock.

Hey mama. Hey Daddy.

Since before I became I mom, which was about 5 years ago, I have seen books/articles/classes/billboards- you name it, telling people what they’re doing wrong in parenting and how they NEED to do THIS (fill in the blank).
I’ve only been a mom a short time now and I have to say- ding fries are DONE! I’ll read one blog or w/e saying “do this or your child will be scarred for life” on Monday and then Tuesday I’ll read anther article (sometimes written by the same person) telling me “NO! Don’t EVER do that!!! Only do that if you hate your child and wish them the infestation of the fleas on a thousand camels.” It’s exhausting.
Since joining the mom-pool I have become a tennis ball in this game of life. I am bounced back and forth with what to feed my kids, what they should be wearing, what they should be doing, what they should be ACK WHATEVER!!!
When my firstborn was just 6 months old my husband and I ran into a couple that we knew through some friends of ours. They had a child (I believe it was a boy) that was the same age. They immediately asked (after discovering our children were the same age) what we were doing with our son. When I looked at them confused and said “ummm what?”, the mom jumped in and in one breath told me how they already had their kid in about 5 different things including swimming and soccer and sky diving. Ok, sky diving wasn’t one but I swear soccer was. Suddenly I felt inept and a complete failure because I didn’t have my baby in any classes.
Why do so many feel the need to tell us what we NEED to DOOOOOOO?!?!
We get our parent card and suddenly we must parent EVERYONE! We are all knowing and must make sure everyone does what we say they should.
Well, here’s this one more blog to tell you what to do.
Keep doing what you’re doing. You’re doing your darnedest (that’s right, I went there.) and you’re doing a great job! I myself admire every parent I see every day (except the ones the other day that completely ignored their kid as he threw bark at every other child on the playground, you guys are lame lol!). I admire you all because you’re in this. I’ve worked for LAWYERS(!!!) and this is WAY harder.
So, mom, dad, great job! Keep up the great work!!! I am in awe of you.
Please enjoy this creepy sweaty picture of me that I took after taking my three kids (5, 2, and 11 months) to a splash park for an hour and then to rush home to change poopies and get them down for naps.

The Selfishness of it All.

I just read a blog post about how suicide isn’t selfish ( The author kept saying it wasn’t but then would continue on and describe the reasons why people choose it and describe selfishness. It’s a great read and if you’re also one that’s been left behind in the brokenness you’ll completely relate. Especially the thoughts of what ifs.
But suicide is selfish. It’s choosing a final escape one that there’s no going back from.
The thing is, the word “selfish” is an ugly word and I can understand why people wouldn’t want to use it to describe someone who gave in and gave up the fight. I understand especially because the ones that I love that have attempted or succeeded in committing suicide were and are the absolute opposite of selfish. They live/lived for everyone else. They didn’t (the survivor now knows) know how to say no and take things for themselves when they needed it.
Selfish isn’t always a bad way to describe someone. We need to be selfish in some ways or we all won’t survive. We need to be selfish and share our pains because “putting our burdens on someone else” means we aren’t carrying them alone. It’s not an easy choice because sometimes we may hear what we don’t want to hear. We may hear harsh truths. We may hear pretty lies. Or we may get the comfort and light that can lead to the end of a dark tunnel.
So, you, YOU who is battling in the dark where not even a tiny pin of light shines on your battle. Be selfish, but do so in a way that’s harder than ever. Show your weakness. Share your hurts. It’ll surprise you how much you’re not alone and how much those you need forgiveness from will gladly give it. It’ll surprise you how the light will burst forth when you share the hurt of in forgiveness that you’re holding.
When you don’t want to reach out the most, let that be your sign that you need to the most at that very moment.
devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one’s own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.
characterized by or manifesting concern or care only for oneself:
selfish motives.

When you choose something that will be beneficial to yourself, that is categorized under selfish.
My thinking on this may be black and white. If it’s not selfless it is selfish.
The fact that people are making suicides into a selfless act makes me sick to my stomach. NO ONE WANTS ANYONE TO KILL THEMSELVES. That’s sick.