I will not be shaken.

The other day, it was either at the memorial or the church service the following day- the weekend was a blur and my brain can’t keep it straight, we sang a song that had “I will not be shaken” sang repeatedly. I began to think about how this could be true. For me, it’s not. I have absolutely been shaken, stirred, turned upside down, emptied out, filled up, and started all over again.
Throughout my life my thoughts constantly get jumbled and too often demand to understand and want to know the whys of every single thing. Sometimes I get answers but when I feel I need them the most I get silence. The silence feels deafening and hurts so much and, unlike in Dr. Who, my heart and brain stores up these moments of silence and goes back to them all the time. I wish I’d only remember the times when I never got the silence!
Then this showed up in my newsfeed on fb; “If you’ve ever felt like God has abandoned you, remember: so did Jesus. Perhaps you are more alike than you realize…”. Talk about a shout after the silence. God is showing me how He can make great things happen from terrible tragedies. He can bring healing to wounds that we never even realized we’re still open. It’s been fourteen years and this broken heart is still broken after losing my mother in-law to cancer. But through the wise words of others and specifically an incredible Pastor (Pastor Matt Molt of New Vintage Church in the Tri Cities Washington, just in case you are ever there and want a great church to go to) my heart is being reshaped and put back together.
This very shaken heart that has questioned God far too often is being made whole again by the God who loves us all so very much.
He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds. (‭Psalms‬ ‭147‬:‭3‬ NKJV)


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