Tag Archives: parenting

A look of… love.

I have been receiving many different types of looks since I had my hair done in tiny braids and wraps. Ranging from “ummm what is wrong with that woman” to “cool!” Thankfully I’ve gotten quite a few “So cool!” comments, even if they ended with “I could never do that!” I know my taste in clothing and style is very different than those that surround me now. If I wear knee high boots, they’ll have fringe and be faux suede. If I wear leggings, they’ll be covered as much as possible. I love going barefoot and so if my kids don’t HAVE to wear shoes I won’t put them on them. If they don’t have to brush their hair and look all proper for a job interview, I won’t make them. My children look as wild as they are. I love that. Just like I love flowers that are typically considered weeds (even the prickly ones!) I love my kids to be as natural as they want. 

I HATED having my hair brushed and done when I was little. It was not a fun thing for me and always ended in tears. My kids are bathed regularly (ok if you call sometimes twice a day and sometimes a day is skipped, regular) and they are well taken care of. Their needs are very well met and I border on a helicopter mom. They are loved that is the best of our (my husband-their dad and my) abilities. They are mostly well behaved even! I’m not going to force things that truly don’t matter when it’s all said and done. 

That all being said, I don’t mind the looks when it comes to me. But when a person gives my kid a dirty look because he’s wearing cowboy boots with gray skate style shorts and a red DC t-shirt, with his Mohawk all messy and wild, well that’s another story. He was being perfectly behaved, helping me carry his newly purchased birthday scooter and chatting away with me in a happy-go-lucky way that is purely him. He’s 5 and absolutely perfect to me. In that moment he was even being perfect in all ways that count. He was respectful of those around him and staying out of a main walking path and staying clear of all the crap that clutters the cash registers and typically tends to throw him into a grumpy fit because he can’t have any of the crap. He was being AMAZING!!

Yet, the cashier and some random lady both stared with scowls and dirty looks at him. There was no cheer in their eyes. Just judgment. I could have said something about the cashier and her frizzy hair in the same manner that she was judging my son. I didn’t even bother looking at what the other lady was wearing because I became more focused on loading up and talking with my son. 

Now, because I have been in a place where I end up placing my own worries and insecurities on others I checked myself and I feel clear of worries and insecurities (in this area anyways haha!). I am left with a feeling of wonder at people who feel children should be so restricted. I’m curious as to their thoughts on this, why they feel their children should look a certain way. Does this make them behave better? My children are pretty well behaved (and that’s including their delays which tend to create more difficult situations that would typically make the delayed child appear to others as horribly behaved) and are happy and friendly. Do you feel it teaches them something for the future? If so, what?

I truly am curious because I’m just doing what I feel is best but if there is a better way I am all for change! I want what’s best for my kids and if someone knows of something that would be great for my kids that would make a good difference in their lives and future then I’m absolutely interested in that. I will never claim to be all knowing, ESPECIALLY when it comes to parenting. I am just flying by the seat of my pants and a WHOLE LOT of faith in God. 

I hope that I will always give those around me a look of love and grace. I know my face is an open book and very expressive and I pray that every expression I give to others speaks of the grace that I am given by my Savior and God. 

Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed. (‭John‬ ‭8‬:‭36‬ NKJV) 

I’ll also, go ahead and leave my other wild boy here with his bed-head lol! I just love his wild hair!!!!!

I know all the birds of the mountains, And the wild beasts of the field are Mine. (‭Psalms‬ ‭50‬:‭11‬ NKJV)

 

Sorrow and perspective

3 times my heart has been so completely shattered that I can’t see any possibility of it being mended. The pieces can’t possibly be put back together. But because I’ve kept breathing I know I’ll keep breathing and keep going still.
How is it possible to have your heart this broken and still keep living?
I thought I was having a bad day. I thought I was having a bad week! It’s been over a week since my husband or I got any decent sleep. Between that and a nasty previous client (whom I hadn’t had any contact with because she was, until recently, happy with the work done and I’d fulfilled my contract and then some to her) suddenly showed back up by messaging me multiple nasty and hurtful messages on fb, the kids were bickering and made an even bigger mess than usual, then my 2.5 year old got sick and coughed nonstop through the night and didn’t sleep, took him to the urgent care today and it was as if he’d slept perfectly and he was running on the ceiling, I was drenched in sweat and got no answers from the dr but I did get a ton of exasperation. It just seemed to be on thing after another and I was just done. I cried a bit on the way home from the urgent care and cried some more once we got home. So tired and frustrated with my kid.
Then I got a call. It was like being sucker punched by perspective. Every little thing I’d been frustrated and upset about faded and turned into a ray of sunshine. A friend’s baby boy had died.
Not just any baby boy. He was about 8 months old and a twin. I had just commented on the sweet video that his mama had posted of him saying “mama”. I had just like the video of him and his brother giggling together. I’d just liked the picture of him being silly and wanting to eat again after he’d just ate only because his brother was eating. Just like that, he is gone.
I couldn’t say anything but “no” over and over and over again. I began to hope that she was wrong and had been misinformed. After hanging up I went to my knees and didn’t get up for at least an hour. I begged and pleaded with God to please breathe life back into this sweet baby boy. To let him live a long happy life here on earth. I apologized for not being thankful for my children at all times and bargained saying I would now but please bring him back.
After 3 hours of crying and holding my babies as much as they’d let me, I actively began to try to stop. It’s been 5 hours now and I’m still crying off and on.
I don’t understand. My pleading of “no” has transformed to “I don’t understand”. It’s taken me back to the day that I got the call that my sweet little cousin whom we’d searched for and posted missing flyers had been found , he’d shot himself and committed suicide. It took me back to when I, and many others, believed and prayed for my incredibly amazing mother in-law would be completely healed from cancer and the morning I was woken by my father in-law because she had passed. It took me back to the moment when I heard sweet baby Knox had left this world after only a few short days of life here.
I don’t understand. I don’t see His plan in this. I am so blinded by the pain and sorrow of loss. The thought of “what would it take for me to stop believing” crosses my mind as things like this make me question His will. I want my will to be His so desperately.
This is where I will stand. I will stand in the knowledge that Your will is perfect and far greater than mine. I will stand in the knowledge that you know the end of it all as well as the beginning and I could never fathom the inner workings of You oh God. I stand in faith that You heal the broken hearted and make all things great. I stand knowing that You are counting my tears and will bring joy for every one.
I stand in those things because He gives me strength when I do. He gives me strength to keep going when I want to quit. He whispers “know that I am God” and gently reminds me of how much greater and better He loves each and every one of us. I stand in those things because when I fall it is always Him that picks me up again.
The things I stand in are the only things I truly know and understand. He is great. When I need a reminder I look at the heavens and how perfect they were made. How constant but ever changing. When I look to people around me I no longer understand. But when I look at the things He made without the sin that distorts it all, I breathe in deep with understanding.
To console those who mourn in Zion, To give them beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning, The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; That they may be called trees of righteousness, The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified.” (‭Isaiah‬ ‭61‬:‭3‬ NKJV)

The parent trap.

I am a mom of 3. We have two boys (5 and 2 years old) and a girl (11 months). Combined my husband and I have: 6 sisters, 3 brothers, 2 brother in-laws, 1 sister in-law, 2 “step”moms (one is more like a real mom, 1 birth mom, 2 dads, 1 grandma, 1 grandpa.
Since having children (grand total of 5 years) we have had ~2-3 weekends without children. By weekends I mean we were child-free for one night and about 2-3: 24 hour periods. The last time was ~3 years ago. We have paid for sitters for any time we go out (last time was about 4 months ago) except for a handful of times and the longest we’ve ever left our kids with a sitter was 3 hours. We are woken/get up during the night anywhere between 2-20 times during the night, every night, for the past 5 years.
My husband and I have just made a pact to take our grandkids for weekends every so often so that our kids will get breaks when they become parents and will get to date their spouse and have nights of solid sleep.
We have yet to meet anyone else who has the parenting life quite like ours. Parents who have parents who are either unable or unwilling/don’t have the desire to spend time with their grandkids and family who also are either unable or unwilling/don’t have the desire to spend time with their nieces and nephews. Everyone we know has a parent that is ecstatic about being a grandparent and they want to spend as much time with the kids as they possibly can.
We’ve discovered through early development intervention that having those relationships is very important to developments. Both our boys are slow to speak and we’ve been told it would be beneficial for them to spend time with people who are not us, their parents. Problem is: we can’t afford it. Sitters charge 10-20/hour and daycare, well I’d have to get 2 full time jobs to cover daycare for just two of our kids.
Parenting is hard. Parenting without help is even harder. Sharing battles with so many close friends I discovered that there is nothing in this earth that we could or are battling that we are the only ones who are doing that exact battle. So, if you are out there and somehow come across this and are the only adult in your child’s life and are there 24/7 and are exhausted and worn down, you’re not alone.
If your child isn’t talking because they’re always around you and you instinctively know what they want/need, there are resources that can help. Push for them because sometimes you have to. If you’re in the Salt Lake City area and want to trade off watching each other’s kids so you can have a moment to pee without little fingers under the door and a minute to breath and talk with your significant other (you know, in a place where you can actually have entire sentences that aren’t made by a Tourette like person), leave me a comment.
You’re not alone. And off I go to respond to my 5 year old’s whispers while his brother and sister “nap”.

Hey mama. Hey Daddy.

Since before I became I mom, which was about 5 years ago, I have seen books/articles/classes/billboards- you name it, telling people what they’re doing wrong in parenting and how they NEED to do THIS (fill in the blank).
I’ve only been a mom a short time now and I have to say- ding fries are DONE! I’ll read one blog or w/e saying “do this or your child will be scarred for life” on Monday and then Tuesday I’ll read anther article (sometimes written by the same person) telling me “NO! Don’t EVER do that!!! Only do that if you hate your child and wish them the infestation of the fleas on a thousand camels.” It’s exhausting.
Since joining the mom-pool I have become a tennis ball in this game of life. I am bounced back and forth with what to feed my kids, what they should be wearing, what they should be doing, what they should be ACK WHATEVER!!!
When my firstborn was just 6 months old my husband and I ran into a couple that we knew through some friends of ours. They had a child (I believe it was a boy) that was the same age. They immediately asked (after discovering our children were the same age) what we were doing with our son. When I looked at them confused and said “ummm what?”, the mom jumped in and in one breath told me how they already had their kid in about 5 different things including swimming and soccer and sky diving. Ok, sky diving wasn’t one but I swear soccer was. Suddenly I felt inept and a complete failure because I didn’t have my baby in any classes.
Why do so many feel the need to tell us what we NEED to DOOOOOOO?!?!
We get our parent card and suddenly we must parent EVERYONE! We are all knowing and must make sure everyone does what we say they should.
Well, here’s this one more blog to tell you what to do.
Keep doing what you’re doing. You’re doing your darnedest (that’s right, I went there.) and you’re doing a great job! I myself admire every parent I see every day (except the ones the other day that completely ignored their kid as he threw bark at every other child on the playground, you guys are lame lol!). I admire you all because you’re in this. I’ve worked for LAWYERS(!!!) and this is WAY harder.
So, mom, dad, great job! Keep up the great work!!! I am in awe of you.
Please enjoy this creepy sweaty picture of me that I took after taking my three kids (5, 2, and 11 months) to a splash park for an hour and then to rush home to change poopies and get them down for naps.